Today I told the Badger that I'm thinking of transferring. I'd been dreading this, since I don't relish telling my professors that I think I can do better, but it kind of slipped out - he was giving me a ride home after our German group, and he asked me (apropos of an offhand comment I'd made earlier) whether I ever considered leaving the program. I said yes.
The Badger told me that he believes very strongly in academic freedom, which means that if I want to leave, he will support me and help me. He also said that if I don't get into any other programs and have to stay at IU, he will still work with me and help me in any way he can, and he won't think less of me or think that he's only my second choice. This meant a great deal to me.
However, he also made it clear that he does not want me to leave, and the one condition he put on his helping me is that at some point, when I'm ready, I must tell him exactly why. Even if it means naming names. (Thankfully there are no names to name - that is not the problem. It did, however, give me pause.)
He also indicated that he will take steps to keep me here - he wants to talk to Joan about how this might be accomplished, though he promised to wait until I've spoken with her. He also suggested that I might be loaned out to CUNY on a trial basis, to see whether I like it. If he can somehow help me arrange that it might be a very good idea. After all, I can't move around indefinitely, and I can't keep CUNY forever on hold. If I transfer there, I strongly feel it must be forever. So if I can test the waters first - see if I can live in New York, if I can see myself working with Priest - that would make the decision a lot easier.
I've been so lucky to have such good mentors throughout my academic career. Even as early as middle school I had smart grownups looking out for me and helping me, and I am profoundly grateful for that. I am especially grateful that Jay, my college adviser, is still willing to help me now that I am no longer his student, and that the Badger is willing to help me even though it may mean that I won't be anymore.
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Sunday, July 20, 2008
And Promenade!
I just got finished making pesto from farmers' market basil and garlic, co-op pine nuts, Kroger olive oil and Wal-Mart Parmesan cheese. The cheese may not have come pre-grated from a jar, but it's not the best I've ever had and it makes me think about the futility of combining good ingredients with less-good ones. It seems wasteful. Like mixing $40 French gin with Rose's lime juice (I'm thinking the only drink that would properly make use of fancy gin is a martini - otherwise you may as well drink Seagram's. But I may be wrong.) I also feel bad about using the food processor instead of chopping by hand or using a mortar and pestle like it says to here, but what're you going to do.
The pesto is for tomorrow, when Cufflinks and I are having our friend Scott and his girlfriend over for dinner. Once again, Cufflinks' annoying food issues mean that I can't have everything exactly the way I want it - once again he wants to have mashed potatoes, even though it's in the 80's. I am excited about the wine I got, though - they were having a tasting in the store and it was really good. I like having dinner parties and I like these people, so I am excited. It's really tempting to make the dessert now, but instead I'm writing this and then working on my Frege paper.
On Friday I went with some philosophers and cog sci folks to the drive-in to see Batman. My colleague Matt and his wife and 3 month old baby were there, so a lot of the pre-movie conversation was pretty baby-centric. Babies are so engrossing. Apparently babies can read now - isn't that distressing? Why would you need your baby to be able to read? Can't we just leave the pre-verbal children alone to do their drooly thing for a bit before starting in with the academic pressure? (My colleague's baby can't read, for the record, and they have no plans to start him any time soon. He is therefore doomed.)
Last night Cufflinks and I went to a square dance hosted by the old-time band we see every week at the Runcible Spoon. It was a ton of fun - we danced every dance (well, Cufflinks did - I sat one out) and by the end we were totally experts. Practically every hipsterbilly in town was there including a bunch of little kids with far-out names like Meridian running around on the dance floor. We didn't know anybody there (Josh knows the band only slightly) but that doesn't matter much at a dance.
The pesto is for tomorrow, when Cufflinks and I are having our friend Scott and his girlfriend over for dinner. Once again, Cufflinks' annoying food issues mean that I can't have everything exactly the way I want it - once again he wants to have mashed potatoes, even though it's in the 80's. I am excited about the wine I got, though - they were having a tasting in the store and it was really good. I like having dinner parties and I like these people, so I am excited. It's really tempting to make the dessert now, but instead I'm writing this and then working on my Frege paper.
On Friday I went with some philosophers and cog sci folks to the drive-in to see Batman. My colleague Matt and his wife and 3 month old baby were there, so a lot of the pre-movie conversation was pretty baby-centric. Babies are so engrossing. Apparently babies can read now - isn't that distressing? Why would you need your baby to be able to read? Can't we just leave the pre-verbal children alone to do their drooly thing for a bit before starting in with the academic pressure? (My colleague's baby can't read, for the record, and they have no plans to start him any time soon. He is therefore doomed.)
Last night Cufflinks and I went to a square dance hosted by the old-time band we see every week at the Runcible Spoon. It was a ton of fun - we danced every dance (well, Cufflinks did - I sat one out) and by the end we were totally experts. Practically every hipsterbilly in town was there including a bunch of little kids with far-out names like Meridian running around on the dance floor. We didn't know anybody there (Josh knows the band only slightly) but that doesn't matter much at a dance.
Friday, July 18, 2008
Quick Linkage
A very moving essay on late-term abortion, the Achilles heel of the reproductive rights movement, from a woman who learned that her child would not be able to survive outside the womb, decided to terminate, and eventually got infected when the fetus died. Stories like these, from actual women who have lived the experiences the rest of us feel free to opine about, should be required reading.
On a similar note, I have already contacted my representative about this proposal, which could severely limit low-income women's access to contraception. You should, too.
On a similar note, I have already contacted my representative about this proposal, which could severely limit low-income women's access to contraception. You should, too.
Saturday, July 12, 2008
Nausea
It's been a week since I started my new medicine, and I have been nauseous almost the entire time. I haven't enjoyed eating anything or wanted to eat anything in seven days, a depressing situation. I'm sure the medicine wouldn't make me quite so ill if I took it on a full stomach, but I can't bear to put anything in my stomach since each day I'm still queasy from the previous day's dose.
What this means is that if there is anything I can stand to put in my mouth, I think I'm entitled to do so, even if that means subsisting on pancakes for days at a time. This morning, in a fit of optimism, I went to the farmers' market and bought peaches, tomatoes, and rhubarb, and when I got home I baked two gorgeous golden loaves of whole wheat bread. When they cool a bit I am going to make every effort to have a tomato sandwich.
When I got back from my trip to Buffalo, I found that my apartment had been invaded by fruit flies. This is enraging since my apartment is sprayed for pests every month. If I am going to be subjected to constant doses of poison which will lodge in my fatty tissues and deform my children, I had darn well better get a pristine, bug-free apartment out of the deal. But they are damnably resilient. I got some fly strips, but the only kind they had at the store are meant to hang, which means that I keep getting my bangs stuck in them. I also can't open any of my cabinets, since the fly paper hangs from precariously hung chopsticks and corkscrews. Very annoying.
This weekend is a conference on philosophy and robots, which it seems unlikely I will attend, but Susan has invited me to join her at the party afterwards so I guess I'm doing that. I strongly hope no one asks me about any of the talks; if they do I will say I was busy translating Schiller all day. If I put in half an hour or so that ought to be enough to make it true. In a way I'm eager for the semester to start because I am awfully unmotivated these days.
What this means is that if there is anything I can stand to put in my mouth, I think I'm entitled to do so, even if that means subsisting on pancakes for days at a time. This morning, in a fit of optimism, I went to the farmers' market and bought peaches, tomatoes, and rhubarb, and when I got home I baked two gorgeous golden loaves of whole wheat bread. When they cool a bit I am going to make every effort to have a tomato sandwich.
When I got back from my trip to Buffalo, I found that my apartment had been invaded by fruit flies. This is enraging since my apartment is sprayed for pests every month. If I am going to be subjected to constant doses of poison which will lodge in my fatty tissues and deform my children, I had darn well better get a pristine, bug-free apartment out of the deal. But they are damnably resilient. I got some fly strips, but the only kind they had at the store are meant to hang, which means that I keep getting my bangs stuck in them. I also can't open any of my cabinets, since the fly paper hangs from precariously hung chopsticks and corkscrews. Very annoying.
This weekend is a conference on philosophy and robots, which it seems unlikely I will attend, but Susan has invited me to join her at the party afterwards so I guess I'm doing that. I strongly hope no one asks me about any of the talks; if they do I will say I was busy translating Schiller all day. If I put in half an hour or so that ought to be enough to make it true. In a way I'm eager for the semester to start because I am awfully unmotivated these days.
Friday, July 11, 2008
Poker and Plans of Escape
On Wednesday Josh organized a just-for-fun poker night with some of his colleagues. He plays for money once a week with these fellows, but I had never played before and he wanted me to learn how, so an exception was made. It was mostly HPS students, but Kari and the Werewolf came along as well. Kari just watched, but the Werewolf cleaned up - he was really really good. I was not very good, but I won a couple of hands and at least I wasn't the first one out. It's really quite fun, and I'm hoping to get another chance to play sometime.
I've also been sort of pre-training to run the Indianapolis half marathon in October. I had planned to run the half in Bloomington, but it was moved to the spring. It had been my plan to run my first marathon in Australia when I started studying there, but a recent email from my college adviser reveals that all of the logicians at Melbourne are leaving or have already left, and their department is being merged with Anthropology. I was thrown completely for a loop by this information, as it had been my plan to study in Melbourne. I've since rallied, however, and am currently considering a transfer to one of the following schools:
This is such a terrifying prospect, and I spend a lot of time these days mentally composing speeches to explain how it's not IU, it's me, and I owe it to myself to find a better fit if I possibly can. And maybe I can't. The above list contains two schools that rejected me the first time, and it's unusual for graduate students to transfer, so it might be even less likely now. Nevertheless, I am going to try. I know I can be a better scholar than I will be if I stay here.
I've also been sort of pre-training to run the Indianapolis half marathon in October. I had planned to run the half in Bloomington, but it was moved to the spring. It had been my plan to run my first marathon in Australia when I started studying there, but a recent email from my college adviser reveals that all of the logicians at Melbourne are leaving or have already left, and their department is being merged with Anthropology. I was thrown completely for a loop by this information, as it had been my plan to study in Melbourne. I've since rallied, however, and am currently considering a transfer to one of the following schools:
- University of California at Irvine
- Colombia
- Pittsburgh
- St. Andrews
- City University of New York
This is such a terrifying prospect, and I spend a lot of time these days mentally composing speeches to explain how it's not IU, it's me, and I owe it to myself to find a better fit if I possibly can. And maybe I can't. The above list contains two schools that rejected me the first time, and it's unusual for graduate students to transfer, so it might be even less likely now. Nevertheless, I am going to try. I know I can be a better scholar than I will be if I stay here.
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