Progress

Today I told the Badger that I'm thinking of transferring. I'd been dreading this, since I don't relish telling my professors that I think I can do better, but it kind of slipped out - he was giving me a ride home after our German group, and he asked me (apropos of an offhand comment I'd made earlier) whether I ever considered leaving the program. I said yes.

The Badger told me that he believes very strongly in academic freedom, which means that if I want to leave, he will support me and help me. He also said that if I don't get into any other programs and have to stay at IU, he will still work with me and help me in any way he can, and he won't think less of me or think that he's only my second choice. This meant a great deal to me.

However, he also made it clear that he does not want me to leave, and the one condition he put on his helping me is that at some point, when I'm ready, I must tell him exactly why. Even if it means naming names. (Thankfully there are no names to name - that is not the problem. It did, however, give me pause.)

He also indicated that he will take steps to keep me here - he wants to talk to Joan about how this might be accomplished, though he promised to wait until I've spoken with her. He also suggested that I might be loaned out to CUNY on a trial basis, to see whether I like it. If he can somehow help me arrange that it might be a very good idea. After all, I can't move around indefinitely, and I can't keep CUNY forever on hold. If I transfer there, I strongly feel it must be forever. So if I can test the waters first - see if I can live in New York, if I can see myself working with Priest - that would make the decision a lot easier.

I've been so lucky to have such good mentors throughout my academic career. Even as early as middle school I had smart grownups looking out for me and helping me, and I am profoundly grateful for that. I am especially grateful that Jay, my college adviser, is still willing to help me now that I am no longer his student, and that the Badger is willing to help me even though it may mean that I won't be anymore.